We are living under the harsh glare of a flurocracy. It has been creeping up on us for years, but here and now the evidence is undeniable. Look around and you will see Yellow Vests choking up the landscape like the noxious dandelion weed.

Being told how to behave by someone dressed in “High Vis” gear infantalizes the population. I am all for looking out for and looking after each other. I am not advocating for an every human for themselves free for all. I am simply pointing out that we need to open our eyes and see the Yellow Vests coming.

I object to being told how to “alight” from a train. A few years ago the major city stations started employing train helpers for peak commuting times. At every stop where the Yellow Vests are on duty, it was 20 seconds of pure mayhem. As soon as the carriage pulled in, the urgent shouting began “THIS WAY, THIS WAY, GO THIS WAY, STEP HERE, GO THIS WAY, RA RA RA, THIS WAY”. Passengers resembled unruly goats being funnelled through a sheep sheering chute – all panic and clattering heels. One’s own sense of direction was interfered with – the internal compass needle spinning wildly. With no time to collect your own thoughts, you simply obeyed the fluro bark. How many more simple, daily tasks will we allow to become flurocratised?

It is not too outrageous to imagine “ATM Wardens” being sworn in to keep an eye on the queue. We will no longer need to rely on the unwritten laws of civic consideration, the polite hand wave and “You were next”, it’ll be a rough shove in the back and stern glare of borrowed authority keeping the peace. What about “BBQ Bouncers”? A couple of Yellow Vests stationed in the driveway of every back yard BBQ. If things get a little unruly, the vests will multiply and descend upon the party to restore order.

I know that it is every human’s right to feel safe in their society and it’s also naive to imagine that if left alone, we would all behave considerately. But if we allow the balance to tip in favour of the fluro we lose all right to decide for ourselves. Believe in your ability to step off a train without causing a riot. Trust your instincts when walking on a footpath. Resist the vest.