I’m feeling a bit like Jake The Peg if he lost his third leg. Something vital is missing and yet I can feel phantom traces of it.
Yesterday I lost my phone.
It’s coming back – hallelujah! Somebody found it! – but I am coming up to my 24th hour without it. Life feels strangely different without a phone. It does feel like something vital to my personage is missing. I feel as though I am letting people down (What if someone texts me and they think I don’t want to answer them?). I feel completely disconnected from information that I need (like the time for instance) but most of all, I feel as though I have lost my default state of engagement.
Whenever I have a spare nanosecond, I check my phone. I check it for texts. I check it for Instagram. I check it for emails. I check just to see that it’s still there. Countless times yesterday I caught myself reflexively reaching out for thin air. My hand works involuntarily – it reaches for my phone just for the reassurance of touching it. When I’m walking I pat my bag for the reassurance of knowing it’s in there.
Last night I was at the pub with Jessicat. When she got up to go to the bar, I immediately reached for my phantom phone. Default state of engagement. With no friend to talk to, I was going to play with my phone, hang out with it for a bit. Once I got used to it, I found it strangely liberating. My default state of engagement could now be reflecting and thinking.
Danger walked past and read the title of this post. He said “Fifth Limb? Isn’t that a penis?”. My iPhone is my Penis. Very Freudian.